Birthday Dinner

Celebrating my 33rd birthday this year brought a complete calm that I've never felt before. I wasn't concerned about a party, a special dinner or if certain people would make the effort to see me. Vain, I know, but I always craved the specialness birthdays brought. 

As a child we would have a party on special years. I can't really remember but maybe 1st, 5th, 10th, 13th, 18th? Actually that never really happened but it meant we didn't expect a party every year like some kids these days do. Bardy Bardy bah. Sorry. Inner cranky Nana. 

Birthdays usually consisted of inviting my grandparents over for dinner. The dinner of my choice. 

Phases of roast lamb and carbonara were cycled through, with the odd barbecue pork ribs thrown in, always with apple crumble chaser. Being in charge of dinner selection brought a power and the thought that as everyone ate their meal they'd be thanking you for your insightful palette. 

Now as a parent I'm in charge of offering birthday 'powers' and creating that special feeling without going to the extreme lengths of insane birthday parties and petting zoo animals. Will I drape balloons on their door for when they wake? Or tie string to their gift and have them follow it through the house in order to find it? Whatever we do, we accept the responsibility and relish in how exciting it is teaching these little people how to find joy and wonder in ceremonies and traditions. 

For now, sprinkles on a cake is the ultimate. Thank heavens. I can do sprinkles. 

Shaped

There are many life experiences that we think 'oh I'm going to look back on this and remember exactly how I felt' yet years later, I only have a handful of memories I like to return to. However something small can happen and a rush of a past moment will fill your senses and remind you of how you've been shaped by them all. And how numerous they were ranging from the awkward regret of a badly worded apology to the buzzing high of new loves. 

I often ponder how important it is to remember them all or does our current consciousness exist because of them. So we don't need to remember them individually because we are already moulded by their outcomes? 

Self reflection is something we are often criticized for and while I do 'think too much' I hope that it makes me a more deliberate and grateful person. 

So I'm going to attempt to journey through the life experiences I've had that I believe have shaped me into who I am today, in the hope I can grow, change, improve and continue to be the person I want to be.