Birthday Dinner

Celebrating my 33rd birthday this year brought a complete calm that I've never felt before. I wasn't concerned about a party, a special dinner or if certain people would make the effort to see me. Vain, I know, but I always craved the specialness birthdays brought. 

As a child we would have a party on special years. I can't really remember but maybe 1st, 5th, 10th, 13th, 18th? Actually that never really happened but it meant we didn't expect a party every year like some kids these days do. Bardy Bardy bah. Sorry. Inner cranky Nana. 

Birthdays usually consisted of inviting my grandparents over for dinner. The dinner of my choice. 

Phases of roast lamb and carbonara were cycled through, with the odd barbecue pork ribs thrown in, always with apple crumble chaser. Being in charge of dinner selection brought a power and the thought that as everyone ate their meal they'd be thanking you for your insightful palette. 

Now as a parent I'm in charge of offering birthday 'powers' and creating that special feeling without going to the extreme lengths of insane birthday parties and petting zoo animals. Will I drape balloons on their door for when they wake? Or tie string to their gift and have them follow it through the house in order to find it? Whatever we do, we accept the responsibility and relish in how exciting it is teaching these little people how to find joy and wonder in ceremonies and traditions. 

For now, sprinkles on a cake is the ultimate. Thank heavens. I can do sprinkles. 

Shaped

There are many life experiences that we think 'oh I'm going to look back on this and remember exactly how I felt' yet years later, I only have a handful of memories I like to return to. However something small can happen and a rush of a past moment will fill your senses and remind you of how you've been shaped by them all. And how numerous they were ranging from the awkward regret of a badly worded apology to the buzzing high of new loves. 

I often ponder how important it is to remember them all or does our current consciousness exist because of them. So we don't need to remember them individually because we are already moulded by their outcomes? 

Self reflection is something we are often criticized for and while I do 'think too much' I hope that it makes me a more deliberate and grateful person. 

So I'm going to attempt to journey through the life experiences I've had that I believe have shaped me into who I am today, in the hope I can grow, change, improve and continue to be the person I want to be. 

Glucose Challenge

So for those non-pregnant, at about 28 weeks, most women do a test to see how their body reacts to glucose, to test for gestational diabetes symptoms.

It involves drinking an amount of concentrated liquid, mine tasted like strong lemonade and then waiting for an hour for bloods and a urine test.

The thing is... As soon as I saw the name of the test, 1 hour Glucose Challenge, I stepped up. Yes, I'm competitive. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. So here I am waiting for my bloods, WILLING my body to process the glucose sensibly and not overload.

My blood WILL be exceptional. My urine, faultless.

We can DO this!!!!!!!!!

10 mins to go...

I am not radiant. I do not glow.

As forward thinking as the world is, there a large group of people who still think the 'right' way to be pregnant is to not really notice. The throwaway line you hear in movies 'I'm pregnant, not sick' encourages us to think we are disregarding woman as not as capable.

I am not capable. I feel worse than I do when I'm sick. Every day. All day.

For some of us, actually lots of us, pregnancy is a trial. A countdown. A torment to earn our babies. And you can't quite understand until you are doing it. Or supporting your wife do it.

Luckily it differs woman to woman. Some women spew for 9 months while other just want to. Some can't walk, some have bulging veins that are painful constantly. Some get eye infections weekly for 30 weeks. Some have bleeding gums or regular nose bleeds. Some have low or high blood pressure and the not great feelings that come with that. Lots gets leg cramps. Every night. And then aches during the day from the cramps.

Now I'm not listing these ailments to scare anyone or turn them off. Simple to highlight that some women's journey isn't that magical and organic. AND THAT IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT.
Sure. Eating well and being healthy will always make things easier. But the all natural sector of motherhood still have a 'use herbs and minerals to cure all ailments' philosophy. And state, in books and websites, that pregnancy should not be uncomfortable! And if you are experiencing any ailments you aren't living as healthily as you should. Or aren't mentally embracing being pregnant.
Now this seems harmless unless you are experiencing a rubbish pregnancy. Then it makes you feel like crap. Like its your fault for not being healthy. Like its not normal to be suffering. Like you are faulty. Not cool. Even pregnant women who have minimal symptoms throw out comments like 'I have a few days of feeling a bit off' and 'I feel fine, just a bit bigger than usual' with no thought to the great pregnancy lottery that's thrown them a winning number.
I'd like to see someone 'cure' my separated pelvic bones with herbs.

So lets embrace our women who are growing children and see it for what it can be. A wonderful time that's thankfully only 40weeks long, full of energy sucking joy and the wonder only regular sleep deprivation can provide.
I am a fertile goddess. Who waddles.

New Years Day 2013

Well apologies for being supremely stereotypical and having another go at writing my blog on New Years Day...
It just happens that I woke up at 4:30 this morning so have been entertaining myself on my phone and Facebook, other blogs, twitter and Instagram just aren't cutting it!

Too many people posting about drinking and partying and telling the world how much they love their families (though I wonder if they told their families?)

So here I sit and what do I have to say?

Just a vague reflection of life? A 'be grateful' for 2012 and reflect upon it, then make unrealistic goals for 2013? Sure! Why not?!

So to be completely self-serving, my personal achievements in 2012 were:
- housework. I was beginning to see it as daily things to do rather than the trial by fire I'd always tried to get out of. I even baked?! Homemaker goddess goal achieved.
- made another baby. Well to be honest that one was ridiculously easy. Embarrassingly so. But there it grows! Causing all sorts of pregnancy fun. Ps. I'm not a fan.
- I run!! Well, I ran! 8km most weekends around the river. I got to a point that it wasn't too hard! Hoping to get back there and increase my fitness after this baby... No many post-baby running fantasies...

Okay so biggest challenge?
- pregnancy. Blah. Hate it. Ick. Never again.

Nothing earth shattering, but whose is? I'm feeling very disconnected to the masses who are partying themselves silly and waking up with grand relationship/fitness/career goals... And not in an 'I'm better than them' way. In a WOAH, I'm so far from that path I'm having trouble even seeing it...

Nice to leave behind the expensive NYE outfit, the $100s of dollars gone and the smell of mass drinking on NY morning.

This year, I'll enjoy my pancakes but not because I'm trying to cute a hangover.

The Newborn Fog

Such excitement and anticipation lead up to the birth of your child. What will it look like? Will it be a girl or a boy? I hope it's a calm, happy baby!... Will it sleep? (no)
The reality can only be experienced.

Our birth adventure began in the wee hours of the morning. We had booked in to have a C-Section. To cut a long story short, I fancied my odds of a calm, controlled birth via Caesarian rather than the many possibilities of a vaginal birth. I wanted that peaceful, well-ordered beginning for my bub's life. So, that morning, we packed the suitcase, hopped in the car and drove to the hospital. We booked in much as you would to a fancy hotel. Then the reality of hospital gown and slippers - luckily we were 'in' with the midwives and Lowey got a cool surgeons cap rather than the puffy shower cap. The team were AMAZING.

My birth experience was so warm and joyful. My obstetrician was even joking with me as he picked Summer up for the first time. She came crying 16 minutes after I entered the room, and then settled peacefully on my chest. I like to think she knew me and realised that this was a nice place to be.

After some Daddy cuddles and her first feed in recovery, 20 minutes later we were in our room and left alone with this new bub! And the staring began :)

Overcome with excitement, wonder and joy, we spent that day is a haze of happiness - she has 10 fingers and 10 toes!



The night began, and more breastfeeding success was keeping our high going... then the wee hours of the morning came, I was sleepy from the days adventures and this little baby wanted another feed. Only an hour after she'd had one! For a millisecond my brain tried to pass the buck. Surely it's Lowey's turn.... can't the midwives sort her out for a while? Then the reality hit. This little human, my little daughter was relying on me to care for her, protect her, and sit up in the middle of the night when I was dog tired and cuddle her. The moment of panic passed surprisingly quickly, leaving behind an amazing feeling that gave me the energy to stay awake for many hours for many nights after that one.

Luckily I haven't had any Post natal symptoms, as I'm sure not all mothers get away with avoiding the panic so easily. But I have yet to regret getting up in the middle of the night to my baby girl. It really is a small price to pay for being honoured with the position of Mum to a brand new human.
The passage of time changed. There was day and night, and I watched it from my camping spot on the couch where I was feeding every 2-3 hours for an hour. Visitors came, quiet days were had. I remember chatting and laughing with friends and family, but can I recall any of those events? Not so much... Luckily, my constant photograph taking has filled me in on the parts that I missed. Oh so many photos... It helped to break up the staring though!

 

I required my iPhone app to record when i fed her, on which side and for how long, which was helpful... when I could remember where I left my phone...

My baby who came out smiling like a pirate...

Needless to say, the fog has finally lifted, Summer now sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time, but those forst precious weeks of meeting and getting to know her will always be amazingly special yet horrifically foggy in my memories.

Sunday Breakfasts

After a year hiatus from Sunday Breakfasts, we have started again. Sitting down after a hectic morning I needed to reflect on exactly why we began this event.

Living in Townsville and living in Brisbane are two very different experiences. You'd think that in a smaller town there'd be less friends and less opportuities for catching up socially, but we found the opposite was true. Whether it is due to the feeling of isolation that prompted people to gravitate together, or due to the sheer ease of driving or walking only a few minutes to see people, we found ourselves socialising often and with many different people. And not the usual stuff either. We would have the standard drinks out in the city or local riverside tavern, we'd do lunch or coffee in the mall and have parties at our respective houses. But we'd also go walking/yoga classes together often, or do early morning trips to the river or beach. We'd go to football games together every chance we got and often just hang out after school/work because we could! So moving back to Brisbane to our considerably larger group of friends was a shock.

Brisbane social gathering are much more formal. They are more likely to be written on a calendar or have a facebook event made for them. To make dates with our friends involved planning 1,2, even 3 months in advance! We found ourselves very sad and lonely back home, and craving social contact. We spent most of our 'dates' quickly catching up and ending with the 'we must do this more often'...

So we discussed what strategies we were going to use to mend this problem in our lives. We just happened to be tripping around Europe at the time. We enjoyed many parts of our trip, but especially the act of sharing breakfast. A long, slow, social, and cheap part of the day. Chatting over a cup of tea or coffee and munching on some local bread or pastries got us thinking we needed to bring this back with us to Australia. So, Sunday Breakfast was initiated.

Tea and Coffee are always available, and we even tried to replicate our favourite hot breakfast drink 'Cola Cao'. We began with just croissants and brioche and conserves, but Loweys enjoyment of cooking led us to hot breakfasts, pancakes and muffins.

We really enjoy seeing our friends and family on a weekly basis, and whether you come regularly (Emma...) or every so often (everyone else.. lol) it's an act of sharing something simple and social that's pleasureable.

Highlights: Sitting in the sun on a cold winters morning, Loweys scrambled eggs, hot fresh bread and now seeing Summer share time with her extended family.

We'll only be doing it every month now I think, it was a shock to us how much work we do for it, but it really is an invaluable part of our Sunday mornings now. :)