Birthday Dinner

Celebrating my 33rd birthday this year brought a complete calm that I've never felt before. I wasn't concerned about a party, a special dinner or if certain people would make the effort to see me. Vain, I know, but I always craved the specialness birthdays brought. 

As a child we would have a party on special years. I can't really remember but maybe 1st, 5th, 10th, 13th, 18th? Actually that never really happened but it meant we didn't expect a party every year like some kids these days do. Bardy Bardy bah. Sorry. Inner cranky Nana. 

Birthdays usually consisted of inviting my grandparents over for dinner. The dinner of my choice. 

Phases of roast lamb and carbonara were cycled through, with the odd barbecue pork ribs thrown in, always with apple crumble chaser. Being in charge of dinner selection brought a power and the thought that as everyone ate their meal they'd be thanking you for your insightful palette. 

Now as a parent I'm in charge of offering birthday 'powers' and creating that special feeling without going to the extreme lengths of insane birthday parties and petting zoo animals. Will I drape balloons on their door for when they wake? Or tie string to their gift and have them follow it through the house in order to find it? Whatever we do, we accept the responsibility and relish in how exciting it is teaching these little people how to find joy and wonder in ceremonies and traditions. 

For now, sprinkles on a cake is the ultimate. Thank heavens. I can do sprinkles. 

Shaped

There are many life experiences that we think 'oh I'm going to look back on this and remember exactly how I felt' yet years later, I only have a handful of memories I like to return to. However something small can happen and a rush of a past moment will fill your senses and remind you of how you've been shaped by them all. And how numerous they were ranging from the awkward regret of a badly worded apology to the buzzing high of new loves. 

I often ponder how important it is to remember them all or does our current consciousness exist because of them. So we don't need to remember them individually because we are already moulded by their outcomes? 

Self reflection is something we are often criticized for and while I do 'think too much' I hope that it makes me a more deliberate and grateful person. 

So I'm going to attempt to journey through the life experiences I've had that I believe have shaped me into who I am today, in the hope I can grow, change, improve and continue to be the person I want to be. 

Glucose Challenge

So for those non-pregnant, at about 28 weeks, most women do a test to see how their body reacts to glucose, to test for gestational diabetes symptoms.

It involves drinking an amount of concentrated liquid, mine tasted like strong lemonade and then waiting for an hour for bloods and a urine test.

The thing is... As soon as I saw the name of the test, 1 hour Glucose Challenge, I stepped up. Yes, I'm competitive. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. So here I am waiting for my bloods, WILLING my body to process the glucose sensibly and not overload.

My blood WILL be exceptional. My urine, faultless.

We can DO this!!!!!!!!!

10 mins to go...

I am not radiant. I do not glow.

As forward thinking as the world is, there a large group of people who still think the 'right' way to be pregnant is to not really notice. The throwaway line you hear in movies 'I'm pregnant, not sick' encourages us to think we are disregarding woman as not as capable.

I am not capable. I feel worse than I do when I'm sick. Every day. All day.

For some of us, actually lots of us, pregnancy is a trial. A countdown. A torment to earn our babies. And you can't quite understand until you are doing it. Or supporting your wife do it.

Luckily it differs woman to woman. Some women spew for 9 months while other just want to. Some can't walk, some have bulging veins that are painful constantly. Some get eye infections weekly for 30 weeks. Some have bleeding gums or regular nose bleeds. Some have low or high blood pressure and the not great feelings that come with that. Lots gets leg cramps. Every night. And then aches during the day from the cramps.

Now I'm not listing these ailments to scare anyone or turn them off. Simple to highlight that some women's journey isn't that magical and organic. AND THAT IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT.
Sure. Eating well and being healthy will always make things easier. But the all natural sector of motherhood still have a 'use herbs and minerals to cure all ailments' philosophy. And state, in books and websites, that pregnancy should not be uncomfortable! And if you are experiencing any ailments you aren't living as healthily as you should. Or aren't mentally embracing being pregnant.
Now this seems harmless unless you are experiencing a rubbish pregnancy. Then it makes you feel like crap. Like its your fault for not being healthy. Like its not normal to be suffering. Like you are faulty. Not cool. Even pregnant women who have minimal symptoms throw out comments like 'I have a few days of feeling a bit off' and 'I feel fine, just a bit bigger than usual' with no thought to the great pregnancy lottery that's thrown them a winning number.
I'd like to see someone 'cure' my separated pelvic bones with herbs.

So lets embrace our women who are growing children and see it for what it can be. A wonderful time that's thankfully only 40weeks long, full of energy sucking joy and the wonder only regular sleep deprivation can provide.
I am a fertile goddess. Who waddles.